Truth be told I'm starting to feel exhausted. I don't know if its from the elevation difference, (a 1,017 ft difference to be exact) or if its from the time change, or if its just from everything we've been doing since we got here, but i'm feeling it. I think i've managed to make it through 2 posts without mentioning anything about the weather here but i'm clearly about to break that and say that I absolutely love the weather. Theres like no humidity here! I can actually go outside and not turn into a puddle and I am loving it. It is really funny listening to some of the students from up north talk about how hot and miserable it is here while i'm dancing around enjoying every moment of it. I'm only getting 8 days of this so i'm not going to complain! Arizona will be a different matter though.
Anyway, enough about the glorious weather here. Today was our first full day of activities, beginning with breakfast and worship, an hour and 15 minutes of quiet time/personal time to just talk to God and read or sit in silence and another hour and a half to meet with our mentors and prepare for the afternoon. Our mentors led us through a lecture they had gone through previously about what spiritual histories are and why they are important, especially in the health care profession. While the title may seem very odd or intimidating, its really just a bunch of simple questions ( 5-7 depending on how far the person is willing to go through the interview) to figure out where a person is drawing their strength from or how they are coping with their illness or current situations. Most of the questions are simple, casual-conversation type questions such as "how long have you been here?" "Do you have family living nearby/Do they come visit you?" and those questions will then lead to deeper questions about their struggles whether its loneliness, bitterness, sadness, frustration, etc. and how God can satisfy their needs and wants. If the person is not religious their conversation might end at the casual conversations and you'll just have to carry on that type of conversation for as long as they are willing to talk, or some may just not want to continue talking. Some however may want to share their faith, or talk about how their faith has weakened during their stay or even how they can become part of the kingdom of God. That's where the last two questions come in and ask about their desire to know God and whether they would like to go through a tool known as the KGP (knowing God personally), which guides them through a 4 point outline that explains how one can have a more personal relationship with God.
Unfortunately for us, we got stuck in traffic and got a little lost on our way to our nursing home, so we weren't able to talk to anyone today. Honestly though I was slightly relieved because, though this part really isn't that challenging, I felt like I was being thrown in head first with no real training. But I realized tonight that, even though I got an extra day to "get prepared" i'm still not going to be able to go in there with all the right answers and all the right words to say. I'm going to mess up, i'm going to have super awkward moments, and i'm going to be scared out of my mind. I'm never going to be completely ready for this, and I can't keep putting it off until I feel prepared. I'm not sure why God didn't end up just throwing me in head first today to show me that, but I know He has a plan and maybe it was beneficial for us to not share today. Who knows. It's all in His hands.
After we got back from our nursing home and ate dinner, the preceptors (in other words our mentors) went off campus for their small groups while the pre-pros stayed for our debriefing and our second lecture of the night. Backtrack with me for just a minute to 10:30am for our fist lecture of the morning by Dr. Harvey Elder, "Kingdom lives in Focus." I related to this man in so many ways as he went through and told us about his college years and how he was just going through the motions of his faith. I have a few quotes from his lecture that I just want to throw in because I believe they are very good points. "If you have no reason to trust yourself, and no reason not to trust God, why wouldn't you trust Him whole heartedly?" "As you let go of the approval seeking and performance trap, you begin to wonder not what people think about you but what people think about God."And my favorite quote that I think is beneficial for anyone trying to figure out what they want to do in life, and what career they want to take on, Dr. Harvey gives this advice: "Sometimes sharing Christ will be natural, and sometimes it will be difficult and you will have to share out of pure obedience. But where sharing Christ is natural is a clue to where you need to go."
Our second lecture of the night did not stand out to me as much as Dr. Harvey's as far as dozens of meaningful quotes and advice, but I do believe God was speaking to me through Dr. James Tsai's lecture. The past several months I have really struggled with my major and whether I am where I need to be or not. And many of my reasons for staying have been that i'm already this far in, and since this isn't my main career focus what does it really matter? might as well just stick with it. Or if I switch i'll just be adding more years to my college career which would then in turn mess up my ROTC scholarship and I just don't want to mess with a whole new academic plan and trying to fit a new major into 3 years. But my reasons for wanting to change were just as bad. I could wear scrubs all day. I'd get to work in a hospital with the cool stethoscope around my neck, I would be recognized as such-and-such, I would be noticed by so-and-so.....and as I thought about it I realized that all my reasons for wanting to stay, and all my reasons for wanting to change were selfish. I want to stay because I want to impress someone, and If I change they'll think less of me or they'll be disappointed. But if I change I could get recognized by so many more people. So selfish. I'm deciding what I want to do for the rest of my life based on what others will think of me. How long is that going to last? "Are we willing to be led down a different career path if God calls you somewhere else?" - Dr. Tsai. I don't know where God is calling me as far as my major goes. I don't know where He's calling me academically. But I now know that my logic in this area has been so far off track, and now i'm able to start getting myself back to where I need to be and stop asking "where will I get the most approval?" and start asking "Where does God want me to go?"
God has definitely given me a lot to consider over these past few days, but I honestly feel like i'm starting to get myself back on the right track. I'm starting to ask the right questions and consider things from God's point of view rather than my own. I guess God does have a better plan laid out for us sometimes ;) it just takes surrendering our pride to see it. So here's to the first of many walls coming down, and hopefully staying down for a long time. I'm not expecting it to be easy, but i'm hoping I will keep my motivation to surrender daily.
"I can't put in half hearted effort and expect to be permanently changed" - yours truly.
James 2:19 (NLT) Do you still think it's enough to just believe that there is one God? Well, even the demons believe this, and they tremble in terror!
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